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May 16 2018

magwyn:

*talks about u behind ur back but in a supportive way about how cool u are and how much i love u*

earthcomet:

Me every morning

asgardreid:

The only thing that’d be more potentially embarrassing than my internet history would be my calculator history, a chronicle of all the painfully simple math I couldn’t manage to do in my head.

witchgays:

virpiablccdnerd:

witchgays:

eternally-eating:

witchgays:

slides in with roombas strapped to both my feet: sup heteros

Theory: great

Reality: they both take off in different directions, fuck

homophobia never sleeps

you have to have rope at a length of like 1 to 2 feet. or maybe a steel bar. something. that connects the roombas and keeps them at an appropriate distance.

finally a good suggestion. roomba bondage

May 09 2018

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justjerrae:

bxbs:

bxbs:

I pray everyone gets good news within the next 2 weeks

I just did I’m so happy

Got 1 offer

Got 2 more interviews coming up this month 🙏🏿

Yess! I wish blessing for everyone!!!!

May 04 2018

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triiforce:

yo im selling this alpine sofa. starting price is 2400 bells inbox me if youre interested

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cutefunnybabyanimals:

Mistakes were made via /r/aww https://ift.tt/2uBMpaT

penfairy:

allandnot:

penfairy:

my parrot is a fucking dumbass with no sense of self-preservation. proof? he got spooked by a pear - by all accounts a green and tasty friend - and flew into a wall to escape, but when greeted with a sink full of soapy boiling water - by all accounts a harmful, bird-killing abyss - he launched himself into it at top speed and cried when I locked him in baby jail to stop him from killing himself. 

Please tell your parrot I still love him.

he just threw his seeds all over the carpet and laughed about it so I will not

helpsomeonewithbpd:

someone I dislike: *likes something that I like*

Me: great, now, it’s ruined

metafuneral:

ajaxdotcom:

metafuneral:

teacher: hey you are failing your classes idiot

student: you know what teach? i dont give a swag *walks out*

that student.. as you may have already guessed.. was albert einstein

um..i think you made this up for notes?

first of all, how dare you

April 22 2018

rubyfruitgirl:

talkupditings:

speedwag:

society needs shame. if you dont embarrass weird greasy kids in high school they turn into adults who walk their girlfriends around on dog leashes in the mall

Nothing wrong with that as long as there’s Mutual consent

did you know that bystanders literally do not consent to being a part of public sexual displays

Have you ever been OUTSIDE

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rejecting-7-realities:

beautifry:

petewentzstolemypizza:

coldtartsbrewcoldersocks:

rnyselfie:

themurderscene:

and if you turn to ur left you’ll see the emos

is that my chemical romance?

OH MY GOD not every group of emos is my chemical romance stfu tumblr

but it actually is my chemical romance

this is the funniest fuckibg thing I’ve ever seen

IVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREEN SHOTS BEFORE

April 18 2018

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2birds1stoned:

Singles.

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2birds1stoned:

Anxious.

April 14 2018

fattyatomicmutant:

xhellfirefolliesx:

fattyatomicmutant:

bluebird2556:

fattyatomicmutant:

Goldman and Sachs literally fucking asked aloud if curing patients is a good business model.

Fuck this shit I want out of here

Holy fuck. Was this in a hearing? Sounds like it needs to be spread

https://www.google.com/amp/s/arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2018/04/curing-disease-not-a-sustainable-business-model-goldman-sachs-analysts-say/%3famp=1#ampshare=https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2018/04/curing-disease-not-a-sustainable-business-model-goldman-sachs-analysts-say/

Rich people are fucking monsters holy hell

April 11 2018

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April 08 2018

rrozeselavy:

thebraveandmischievous:

rrozeselavy:

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

March 22 2018

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